Laughter, The Best Medicine

Inachi wrote:A manager was asked by his laziest employee for a testimonial for another job. The manager thought hard all night for something that would be honest without hurting the young man’s pride and chances.

He finally wrote: “You will be lucky if you can get him to work for you.”

Nice joke!

lol.... try this if you can't get rid of your fats

A group of Aussie gangsters are sitting around deliberating over methods they will employ in robbing a bank.

After a lot of thought, they all agree on the way to go about it. In the wee hours of the following morning they meet and embark on their plans to get rich. Once inside the bank, efforts at disabling the internal security system get under way immediately.

The robbers, expecting to find one or two huge safes filled with cash and valuables, are more than surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered strategically throughout the bank. The first safe's combination is cracked and inside the robbers find only a bowl of vanilla pudding.

'Well,' says one robber to another, 'at least we get a bit to eat.'

They open up the second safe and it also contains nothing but vanilla pudding and the process continues until all the safes are opened and there is not one dollar, a diamond, or an ounce of gold to be found. Instead, all the safes contain containers of pudding. Disappointed, each of the mobsters makes a quiet exit, leaving with nothing more than queasy, uncomfortably full stomachs.

The following morning, a Sydney newspaper headline reads, 'Australia's largest sperm bank robbed early this morning.'


These guys are waiting to re-stock the bank ..

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city.

In one of the stores he picked up a mirror and looked in it.



Not having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about that! Here's a picture of my Daddy." He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered that his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly bitch he's running around with."

When the flower shop gets too many phone calls for the regular staff to handle, one of the most capable florists steps in to take orders. Since her first language is not English, the manager sometimes double-checks her work.

One morning, the manager called a customer to verify the message the florist had taken. The customer couldn’t stop laughing, and when he finally did, he said “No! No! I want the message to read ‘Love you heaps’ not ‘Love your hips’!”

Eight months pregnant, a woman felt awkward and unattractive. Looking for some comfort, she asked her husband if she had that certain glow that expectant mothers were said to have.

“Well, you have a shape like a light bulb,” he replied. “Does that count?”

Tim’s wife, a fastidious housekeeper, is in the habit of taking out the trash after dinner.

Late one night, as their guests were leaving after a gathering at their home, his wife performed her nightly ritual. “We’ll come with you,” she told the guests. “We always walk the trash out at the end of the evening.”

Janice had spent the morning protesting because she had to clean the table after his dad and brother had finished their breakfast. “Women are indispensable”, she ranted. “We’re the superior sex and are smarter than men!” Soon after, she forgot all about her ranting, but her dad didn’t.

In the evening when the kitchen window got jammed, she called, “Dad, would you open this, please?” Her dad got up, jerked open the window, smiled and said, “I thought women are smarter than men, eh?”

“We are! I got you to do the job, didn’t I?” she retorted

HOW TO SLIM DOWN SUCCESSFULLY!

A guy calls the company and orders their 5 day - 5 kg weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and standing before him a voluptuous, athletic, 21 year old babe from J.C. dressed in nothing but a G-string and a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.' Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5 kgs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5 day - 10 kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and standing before him is the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes , a G-string and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me, you can have me'. Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and despite his best efforts, but with no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better shape. Much to his delight, on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10 kgs, as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order their 7 day - 25 kg program. 'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone.. 'This is our most rigorous program.' 'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.' The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes, a G-String and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.' He lost 31 kgs that week. .